She cries because she wants to force you to change your mind and let her do what SHE wants. ...testing your limits of tolerance. She wants to be your boss.
There is a course called the 3P of parenting given by母嬰健康院. I went to other courses too. I summarize what I have learnt:
1) calm down yourself by counting to 10 in your mind, breath deeply to calm down
2) tell her you know she feels xxxx, because of yyyyyy. You can do aaa or bbb(options) Of course both options must be acceptable to you. Then she thinks she is the decision maker and will do it
3)naughty corner ( no black room please), not to punish her, but to let her calm down and反省. She can come out if she has calmed down. No toys around naughty corner to play with. Face the wall, it on chair. Usu a few minutes for young kids. Does not work for older kids.
4)teach her how to release anger and frustration in a constructive way instead of screaming and crying or worse (throwing things) when something does not happen the way she wants.一生受益.eg. breath deeply, count to 10 or even 20. Draw a picture, sing a song, play with your toys, do exercise or beat the pillow to release the anger--rather than to release it on another person or destroy things